“A true marriage (and true love) is never about you,” Smith writes. “It’s about the person you love– their wants, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, ‘What’s in it for me?’ while Love asks, ‘What can I give?’”
If there were a way to guarantee that Smith’s words could only reach an audience with healthy, balanced, respectful marriages, I’d totally be on board with this message. Ideally, both partners would be equally concerned with taking care of each other. But look at the headlines on magazines directed at men, as opposed to those directed at women. This month’s Men’s Health cover boasts “Sizzling Sex Adventures” and “Get-Rich Strategies,” while this month’s Cosmopolitan tells us to “Be the Best He’s Ever Had!” and “Be sexier by tonight!” Our culture puts a hell of a lot more pressure on women to nurture their relationships. Men get to sit back and enjoy the ride.
What movies are directed at women? Romantic comedies, stories about women making sacrifices for their families and for their husbands, stories about strong men in which women are bit players. Women don’t need to be explicitly told to put men first. We already get that message a thousand times a day.
SUCH a great event. #women #women #women
Your Stupid Female Brain Ruined Your Last Relationship, You Idiot by
Hayley Hoover at The Gloss
Hayley’s been writing for The Gloss for a little while now and all of her articles are golden. Also The Gloss generally is pretty golden. Mmmm.
Why are there 200 million fewer women online than men, and why is this a problem? Fascinating report from the UN Broadband commission and likely the subject of my Monday video.
Seeing this made me really sad but spurs me on in some ways. But it’s wrong on so many levels and reading it, even knowing that I was rejecting it, made me feel very ashamed of my own body and extremely self conscious. So I can’t even think how it made someone feel who isn’t aware that this is wholly incorrect.
Your body is yours. YOURS. It doesn’t belong to anyone else and no one else has the right to police it. It being yours can be very scary, but that agency also can be freeing, and making your body stronger is also making you stronger, because you are your body and your body is you.
End of song.
So I’m having a shit day, right? I have a filling and I can’t feel my mouth and I’m tired because I slept three hours last night and things were snappy with my mother and my dad died on the 29th so I’m always pissy on the 29th and I’ve put on weight and it’s raining and yada yada yada sob story after sob story.
I’m walking back from the train station when this asshole passes and says “cheer up beautiful”. This is my least favourite thing. In fact, it makes me very very angry. Do I have a responsibility to be a constantly smiling happy machine? Is it necessary for your happiness that every random stranger in the street beams at you? Is your ego THAT FRAGILE and your penis THAT SMALL?
Anyway so whatever, I’m cross and for the fifty thousandth time wish I was advanced in kickboxing or something a little more violent than pilates because I just want to feel physically stronger than this absolute dick. I walk for another couple of minutes towards my flat when I pass three guys just hanging around in the middle of the fucking pavement who don’t even move when I walk towards them so I have to step into the main road to get around them and who have the audacity to tell me to “smile!” “cheer up!” “don’t look so fucking miserable!”
At this point, it’s safe to say I feel like I’m. going. to. kill. someone.
My middle sister and I had a conversation about street harassment recently and her argument was that people should be feel free to say whatever because the alternative is making men afraid to approach women in any capacity and breaks down the neighbourly interaction. My argument is that I wish to god these men were afraid of me in the way I am afraid of them. It’s cruel, and harsh, and not necessarily the equality I truly want, but in those moments where I’m sneaking glances behind me, and I have my keys out to use as a weapon, and I’m remembering the self defence classes I took in secondary school, and I’m trying to think how fast I can run in platforms if it comes to it all because some dickwads made some comment about how I should cheer up…well fuck, I want them to fear me.
In the mean time, I’ll work harder at being Mila Kunis.
End of song.
I’ve been channeling this tiny little scene for the past three months whenever guys give me shit.
Well, this scene and like, the Powerpuff Girls and CJ Cregg and HJG and Frankie Landau Banks.
Yes, many women are insecure. Most of them are insecure not because no guy has ever expressed a desire to fuck them, but because of the dangerously unrealistic standards our society sets for women’s appearance and for the behaviors they must perform in order to maintain that appearance.
So as nice as it would be if all that could be solved by noble, kind-hearted men taking valuable time out of their day to compliment female passerby on their appearance, that’s not gonna happen. Women don’t need men to save us from insecurity. We need to stand up and speak out ourselves against the ways in which our culture keeps us fearful and insecure, and the ways in which we help it to do so.
[…] The result of all this is that many men, even kind and well-meaning men, believe, however subconsciously, that women’s bodies are for them. They are for them to look at, for them to pass judgment on, for them to bless with a compliment if they deign to do so. They are not for women to enjoy, take pride in, love, accept, explore, show off, or hide as they please. They are for men and their pleasure.
[…] When you compliment a random woman who doesn’t know you, no matter how nice you are about it, there’s a good chance she’s going to freak out internally because for all she knows, you could be that latter type. And I get that it’s really unfair that women would just assume that about you. I get that it sucks that sometimes, expressing totally reasonable opinions like “hey you’re hot” will make women terrified of you or furious at you. That’s not fair.
But if you’re going to lay the blame for that somewhere, for fuck’s sake, don’t blame the woman. Blame all the guys who have called her a bitch and a cunt for ignoring their advances. Blame all the guys who may have harassed, abused, or assaulted her in the past. Blame all the people who may never do such a thing themselves, but who were quick to blame her and tell her to just get over it. Blame the fact that if she stops and talks to you and then something bad happens, people will blame her for stopping and talking to you.
In which Rosianna reviews LEAN IN by Sheryl Sandberg, which she’s pretty obsessed with.
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THE LADIES SURVEY: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrScdJmwyek
"Abstract and Brief Chronicles of the Time" — writing about the first six months after my dad died: https://gumroad.com/l/HAz
NOMS: Vegetarian recipes and whatnot: https://gumroad.com/l/MYX