Have I utterly romanticised something that was dangerous and should be fixed? Has my European, drink-when-you’re-thirteen, Skins UK-esque adolescence absolutely blinkered me? Or am I right to feel like everyone is overreacting about the omg!£@!!@alc0hol on Glee? Because I trust my friends, and they all seem concerned about it, but for me…  in the first place they shouldn’t have to have a stupid alcohol awareness week thing to even include alcohol on the show but the whole thing in general seems to satire the obsessive moralism in television narratives. The thing that kept springing to my mind was Jessie’s *drugs* episode from Saved By The Bell. I’m glad we’re at a stage where we don’t have to pretend alcohol is something else to talk about it.

I just… it’s been a long day and I can’t really phrase why this pisses me off. Selfishly, I think it’s that I hate feeling like I’m being passively criticised for my society’s drinking culture. And I also hate the idea that Glee has to be some pure little show. Bullshit. It started out as a comedy. Let’s get some of that satire, however conscious, however well delivered back please. Oh, and the Blaine ~bisexual~ storyline was a little contrived in how quickly it was fixed and how it was dealt with, but for everyone kicking up shit about that, a lot of people seem to be forgetting that Brittany and Santana are bisexual characters and I think the programme has done a tremendous job in not making a big deal out of that. Or do girl and girl sexual experiences not count in the same way?

Might just be tired, but yeah, please let me know if I’m being stupid and defensive about my choice/right/whatever to drink as a teenager?

Alcohol used to make me feel like I could do anything. I know that’s not a particularly original statement — oh, woe is me, twenty years old and having a realisation that alcohol does not also grant you the gift of invincibility! How hard my life is, what a struggle! — but it’s something that became starkly apparent when I decided to walk home before 1am for the fourth night out in a row, sober despite doing shots and drinking wine and gin and tonics for hours and hours. There was an article recently, I think on the BBC but it might have been The Guardian, in which a researcher claimed our behaviour when we drink matches exactly how we think drunk people behave. For example, those tested who were drunk and those who thought they were drunk (and who had actually just imbibed placebos) behaved in an aggressive, more overtly sexual manner in accordance with their belief that being drunk makes you aggressive or flirtatious or whatever. A sort of self fulfilling prophecy I suppose. But you don’t have time for self fulfilling prophecies when your mind is just going over and over and over the same thing again. It’s as though you’ve skipped the “fun” bit of being drunk and you go straight to that sinking feeling at 4pm the next day when everything’s sad and you’re all rehydrated so you no longer feel miraculously skinny and not even the world’s supply of chocolate and Coca-Cola can fix it. Not that you have any money to buy such things at 1am, as you assured yourself just one more shot would get you drunk, would let you reach that euphoria. The mind is a powerful thing and when it wants to be sad, by God it’s sad.