I just found some old email drafts from 2009 (last year of secondary school) where I recorded some of my dreams and good god were they disturbing…

(the writing’s a bit shit, totally word vomited this, clearly — but this was just after Oxford rejection…clearly I was a little nutty)

I walked out of school and looked on as mr m spoke to someone in an “Oxford community church/school” van, looked stressed, said “so you’re going to wait for her then?” and turned right. I did the same, to get to my bus stop over the road, but he hastily said “turn the other way” and I saw a shot fired and a body drop to the floor. I started walking back towards school, taking care not to run (if I fell I’d be done for) but then an unidentifiable girl (one I knew) came up to me and said, a grimace on her face “I think you should go the other way”. I, all panicked and hysterical said “no!” and then I saw a man who had turned the other way with us, in a red jacket, take out a gun and shoot someone in front of us. And then he was in front of me and I was like ice, the perfect target, still and shocked and horrified. But he wanted me to suffer, there was an understanding of that, so he shot Ali and then Ola and Ms C and then Ella and Rosy and I couldn’t watch, I was feeling faint and sick and upset. I woke up as he was with the gun in my face again and fired.

  1. hermionejg posted this