Dear men in Congress, you think banning birth control is conservative progress? You think sanctioning my ovaries wont bring me to violence?

How about i tell you what to do with your caucus. It is now illegal to think about me topless, to keep your lotion where your socks is, to refer to powerful women as monsters like those jops at fox did.

I am not afraid to cockblock dick, to sew an instructional video for rape kits to your eyelids and make you watch it. I’ll take away your golf clubs and gun clips. I’m gonna fix this by getting you fixed.

Enough’s enough kid, come on stop that. If you wanna make this law then heres my law rap. You have a right to get strangled by a bra strap. Anything you sexualize with can and will get shot at with a glock cap. I’ll shove your life in a duffle bag hand it over to a sex trafficker and let him smuggle that.

You wanna cuddle dad? NO! DON’T TOUCH ME! YOU CAN’T TOUCH ME ANYMORE! I’m so pissed I forgot how to rhyme. I hate you so much I forgot what I was talking about. Who wants to get mexican food?

Jay-Z do something! This is do or die. These are the new rules I play by. This is the end of the line, kay old white guy? Ladies testify. It’s time to put a measure on the floor against chromosome y. All in favor say “I”